Saturday 28 – Sunday 29 January 2012
I know I did this in a cocked up order, starting with the Third Law and working back, but we’re here now, at the last of Newton’s Laws of Motion that I’m going to mutilate. Thank God, I hear some of you mumble under your breath. Well, let me tell you buddy, my hearing is exceptional, and it doesn’t matter if you mumble, I can still hear you. Whoa . . . apologies for that ‘teacher moment’ just then. On to the concept . . .
Newton’s Second Law of Motion is actually rather complicated to explain. I’ve tried to find the simplest version of it that I can, but it’s still quite complex. Let’s have a go at it:
The rate of change of momentum (acceleration) of a body is directly proportional to the impressed force, and is in the direction in which the force acts.
Mathematically speaking, F=ma. And for those of you who have no idea what that means, Force = mass multiplied by acceleration. Still makes no sense, does it? How’s this? As the force on an object increases, so does the acceleration of the object, and as the mass of the object is increased, the acceleration decreases. Use more force to move a body and it will move faster; make the body heavier and the acceleration goes down. Much simpler. How does this relate to people? I’m so glad you asked.
Danielle’s Second Law of People
People are irrational, illogical, and often, pains in the bum. Your tolerance of those things is directly proportional to how much you like the person who is being a pain in the bum.
You’ll notice that I’ve omitted the ‘inversely proportional’ segment of Newton’s Law because, quite frankly, I can’t think of what to make all of this inversely proportional to. And, as I’m the one writing this and mutilating his Laws of Motion, I get to decide what I will and won’t keep.
It’s true though, right? As ‘normal’ people, we seem to tolerate the perceived faults of our friends and loved ones if we like them. I tolerate a truckload of stuff that ticks me off in people I like, and if people I don’t have a connection with do the same stuff, they cop it good and proper. But here’s the awesome part of this Law: people who like me . . . shut up, there are many, some, a few, one or two people around who like me, at least that’s what they tell me . . . people who like me, tolerate all of the ridiculous, stupid, irritatingly annoying, juvenile, sooky lala, whiny lil turd, pain in the bum stuff that I do. I know, it’s phenomenally brilliant that they do. And just between you and me, I make sure that I never take them for granted because they’re really hard to find, those people who genuinely like me.
In all seriousness, it is human nature to overlook idiosyncrasies and habits of those dear to us that would normally annoy the hell out of us in people who aren’t so important to our existence. I expect it’s a part of our survival instinct. And let’s face it, if we didn’t tolerate the annoying things people do, we’d all be single and living as far away from others humans as we possibly could. Or maybe that’s just me.
Solitude is not the base instinct of humanity because there is, and always will be, safety in numbers . . . particularly if you’re being chased by a horde of hungry zombies. Then, not only is there safety in numbers, but simultaneously it’s every man for himself, because as soon as those brain-devouring suckers get anywhere near me, I’m shoving one or two of you in front of me to act as bait and distract them. So, those of you who have really annoying habits, just be warned: I won’t tolerate you in a zombie apocalypse, and you will be the first to go . . . unless you have a skill that’s required for our survival, then I’m keeping you for as long as you’re useful. After that, buh-bye. And of course, I’d expect that you do the same with me . . . which is why I’m so damned nice to all of you, and why I intend on making myself indispensible to you. Side note: I have a fork lift driver’s licence . . . and more importantly, I hold a liquor licence . . . plus, I’ve watched loads, and I mean loads of zombie and other assorted horror movies in my lifetime, so I’m right up there on how to kill weird stuff.
I really don’t know how I managed to bring this around to a zombie apocalypse when I was discussing tolerance. Maybe we should tolerate those zombies who are also dear to us; it might prevent them from chowing down on our brains . . . just a thought.
And that brings us to the close of Danielle’s Three Laws of People. It’s important to note that these are my laws of people and you, hopefully, have formulated your own ideas over the course of your life. It’s also important to note that to every rule there is an exception, and I need not explain that.
Me . . . I love and despise humankind for everything it is, and everything that it is not. We are imperfect beings who have created imperfect structures and rules around which to base an imperfect existence. Beautiful and ugly at the same time.
Just remember my warning about the zombie apocalypse though.