A$$holes And Idiots

Monday 23 – Wednesday 25 April 2012

Saffron: Get through? Mum, you’ve absolved yourself of responsibility. You live from self-induced crisis to self-induced crisis. Someone chooses what you wear. Someone does your brain. Someone tells you what to eat, and, three times a week, someone sticks a hose up your bum and flushes it all out of you.

Edina: It’s called colonic irrigation, darling, and it’s not to be sniffed at.

Saffron: Why can’t you just go to the toilet like normal people?

Edina: Is that what you really want me to be? Normal? Some boring, normal, old toilet-goer? ‘Where’s mummy?’ ‘She’s on the toilet.’ ‘But I want to go somewhere exciting and meet interesting people.’ ‘She can’t take you . . . she’s on the toilet.’ They say anybody can go to the toilet, they say . . .

Saffron: They obviously haven’t seen you drunk.

            (Absolutely Fabulous, Episode 1 – Fashion, 1992, written by Jennifer Saunders)

Aaaaaah, Jennifer Saunders’ Absolutely Fabulous is one of my absolute favourite comedy shows of all time. And the above excerpt is etched in my brain, mainly because of the toilet humour, but also because poor Saffy has to play mum to her childish mother, Edina. This particular excerpt, which illustrates the roles played by people, is a kinda good segue way into this post. Here we go . . .

So, I was thinking . . . I know, I know, I should do less of that thinking malarkey and more . . . other stuff. Anyway, I was thinking about people, as I often do. Not thinking about them in a creepy, stalker kinda way though. Just thinking about stereotypes, archetypes, people types. Y’know, the regular thinking about people that normal people do, and then I found myself mildly irritated by people. Not specific people, just people in general.

Then I had an epiphany. Okay, so it probably wasn’t an epiphany, because I’ve known it for a while, but haven’t actually articulated it. Work with me here, and let’s all just go with: Lil D had an epiphany . . . My epiphany went something like this *insert throat clearing sound effect here*:

Life is too short to put up with a$$holes and idiots.

Alright, in my head I didn’t say A-dollar sign-dollar sign, I actually said, y’know, donkeybutts. Don’t mess with semantics here; you know perfectly well what I’m talking about.

Now, I know that the term a$$hole covers a broad spectrum of people, and really so does the term idiot, so therefore, by extrapolating that idea, it’s clear to me that everyone in the world knows a bunch of a$$holes and idiots. Even the a$$holes know people who are as bad, or worse, than they are. And in complete honesty, we’ve all been an a$$hole or an idiot at some time or another in our lives. But some donkeybutts and mung beans are worse than others, and that, my friends, is an undeniable fact.

I came to this epiphany after viewing some posts on Facebook. Good ol’ Facey . . . where you can freely be the world’s biggest donkeybutt or mung bean, and more than likely, you are revered for it by a large number of the Facey population. This, in my mind, merely goes to prove that there are a sh*tload of a$$holes and idiots across the world. They’re represented in every race, creed, colour, religion . . . although, it does often appear apparent that religion and politics have a larger share of them than other areas.

Anyhoo, I came to the point that I no longer wish to deal with either a$$holes or idiots via my Social Networks. After all, I deal with enough of them offline, why should I inflict those sorts of people on myself through my online interactions? And then it struck me. Maybe we actually need a$$holes and idiots. Maybe they play an essential role in our day-to-day lives.

Think about it. What if the a$$holes and idiots serve to highlight to us just how brilliant our friends are? That is assuming that our friends aren’t a$$holes or idiots. What if the a$$holes and idiots are here to remind us that we do have certain people in our lives who we do want to be around more often? Whose opinions do mean so much more to us than others? Who are worthy of our time, and who deserve our full attention when we are with them?

Admit it – there have been times when you’ve been with a friend but you haven’t been there, not really. Perhaps you’ve been distracted by something else going on in your life, but ultimately, you haven’t been present in your interaction with your friend. We’ve all done it, and probably more than once. And yes, I do understand that it also depends on your ‘friend hierarchy’ – y’know, your ranking system of who is a higher rated friend. Again, I’m pretty sure that we all have a system of friend importance, even if we don’t want to confess to having one.

As a result of all of this epiphanising – yes, I made that word up – I’ve come to the conclusion that despite not wanting to deal with a$$holes and idiots any more, they do serve a purpose of sorts. However, if you fit into my a$$hole or idiot categories, tread very carefully, lest I reverse the role on you. I have been known to be a pretty awesome a$$hole, and I know I can do idiot really well. ;)

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About Danielle

I like to write. What more is there to know?
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