Sunday 29 April 2012
Yep, the ‘T’ word – it’s notoriously difficult to gain, and dead easy to lose. I’m talking about trust. We’re all aware, hopefully, that there are varying levels of trust ranging from ‘I trust you with my life’ down to ‘I trust you to dry clean my suits’, plus a variety of everything in between. And hopefully, we’re all aware as well that you don’t have the same level of trust with every person in your family/Friends/friends/associates spheres. We couldn’t possibly trust everyone on the same level – we have different relationships with each person, and those relationships can and do change. Hence, how much you trust someone can change. It’s common sense, right?
I’ve been cogitating about trust for the last week or so, and having procrastinated for a good length of time, I’m ready to explore this concept. So, I guess I should use me as an example to set out some ideas. Outside of biological family, I’d say I have maybe five people I trust enough to open up to. And I say ‘biological family’ because you all know that we have friends who, lucky them, are more like family than friends . . . it’s a trust thing again. Now, these five people are the lucky souls who I go to for advice, who allow me to vent to them, who I can sit down with and talk to without feeling like a complete idiot, and who know more about me than I’ve ever let on to anybody else. The kinda people I’d have in my bridal party if I were to get married – which I’m not, so don’t get excited about that, and stay away from the flamingo pink bridesmaid dresses, okay? We all have these kinda friends, I hope. Side note: I happen to adore mine quite a lot.
Now, I don’t trust a lot of people. I know some folks who feel they can trust just about everyone they meet – that’s not me. With everything that I know and have come to learn about human nature, I’d be an idiot to trust many people. Call me . . . naturally suspicious, not to mention the fact that I can analyse your character at fifty paces.
Where trusting a person is concerned, I think that a good proportion of people I know would say the same thing: it’s hard to find someone you trust 100%. Realistically, everyone is out for something. We have our own agendas, we’re all looking for something, and we all manipulate situations to our benefit. Lord knows I can manipulate situations . . . and people, and I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve done it just for fun on a few occasions. But never to my Friends, just in case you were wondering. Although, I probably shouldn’t say never, basically because a Friend has told me on a number of occasions never to say never. Oooooh, starting to sound like a Bieber number now!
Back to trust. Along with the fact that I don’t fully trust many people comes the idea that if you have my trust and you break it, kiss it goodbye for good, kids. You’re not getting it back. Fool me once, shame on me for being an idiot. Try to fool me twice and I’ll slap the crap outta you. Okay, so maybe I won’t slap the crap outta you, but I will employ a great deal of passive aggression towards you.
Aside from a personal conversation, or a number of them over the last few weeks, the thing that most has me considering trust is someone new has come on to my ‘scene’ and mentioned that part of what was expected of my role in things was to sit down and explain my ‘personal situation/background’. And all I can think is, ‘Hey, I don’t share my personal situation/background with everyone I know, why should I share with you?’ I pick and choose who knows what about me. We all do – it’s a trust thing.
So now I’m thinking that I could go two ways here. Number one, I could totally explain everything, and I do mean everything, about me. Or number two, I could sit back and say something to the effect of, ‘when I need you to know it, I’ll tell you’. My ever-so-slight oppositional defiance disorder votes for option number two because, let’s face it, no one knows everything about me, not even me. And before anyone suggests a happy medium somewhere in the middle, in this instance, there isn’t one.
I won’t elaborate on the specifics of the situation, but I will say that I am coming to view this request as a subtle form of control and assertion of authority. I’m all for freedom of information, but I’m also a supporter of privacy and the basic right to choose who I allow in to my life. And when I perceive that my basic rights are impinged upon, things don’t go well for anyone. This current scenario, well, I don’t believe that the person who has requested this information has earned the right to hear any of it. Harsh? Maybe, but it’s the truth.
There are some people who do not have your best interests at heart. There are some people who do not deserve your trust. There are some who can never earn your trust. But on the flipside, there are a few good people who deserve and earn the best of us. As Marilyn Monroe has been quoted as saying: ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.’