Yes, lunch break is very good for something, especially if you’re a teacher trying to avoid being cornered by a bunch of kids wanting to know why none of the other teachers in the school have a PS3, and how far through Call Of Duty 2 you are. All I wanted to do was start writing because, you guessed it, I have another friend . . . don’t laugh, I’ve got friends!
So this lunch break I found myself . . . well, eating, which isn’t all that unusual. I often eat during a lunch break. Apparently it’s considered ‘normal’. Not that I’m implying in anyway that I’m not normal, because I am, but I’m just saying it’s not unusual to eat lunch at lunch time. Now you’ve sidetracked me . . . what was I thinking about? Okay . . .
Ah, Sweden . . . the land of ABBA, IKEA, Volvo, Joey Tempest, Roxette, Scania, Stefan Edberg, the world’s most attractive people, Dolph Lundgren, Swedish meatballs, elks, the chef from The Muppets, Vikings, those funny helmets with the pointy horns that Vikings wore, and all those Swedish sports fans who make lots of noise at major sporting events and travel the world following all the Swedish sports stars, and . . . ALRIGHT, I know. There’s more to Sweden than the stereotypical things I just mentioned. It’s called creative licence people.
And of course, it’s home to Linda – the real Crown Princess of Sweden . . . okay, so she’s not the real Crown Princess of Sweden, that’s some other woman, but she should be the Crown Princess of Sweden. Clearly, Linda was robbed of her rightful title at birth. Who is the Crown Princess of Sweden anyway? Vicky Somebody. See, we don’t know her. But loads of people know Linda.
According to her Twitter stats at the time of writing, at least eight hundred and forty seven people know Linda. Add onto that the members of her family, friends, people she’s passed in the street, the postman, work colleagues, supermarket staff, video store clerk, and that makes at least eight hundred and . . . I don’t have enough fingers and toes, but it’s A LOT of people!
What can I tell you about Linda? Well, she’s thirty, twenty . . . not very old, and her previous job was as a Ninja Viking. Yup, you heard right, a Ninja Viking. Oh, and she’s mother to a booger eater that she named Thing. However, despite her elite Ninja training, Linda falls over, a lot, and she falls asleep, a lot. Recently, Linda has been burdened by the weight of a Satan phone, which she uses often to disable all other Smart Phones around her. If she shakes her red pens at you, beware, for it won’t be long until she throws you into a volcano somewhere, as she is attempting to take over the world with Val. On a more personal note, I do wish however, that she’d stop sending zombies to kill me.
Okay, so maybe that paragraph isn’t entirely factual, but it does give you a small sense of who she is. Linda has an irrepressible sense of humour and an amazing ability to find comedy and fun in almost any situation (except for when she wakes up. She’s kind of grumpy until she consumes a truckload of coffee). I don’t often find women particularly funny. I think men tend to engage, more often, in the sort of humour that appeals to me. But I have to tell you, Linda has an incredible sense of humour. And the best part of that is, she frequently shares this gift with those of us who have the pleasure of knowing her.
You might be thinking that it seems a little shallow that I’ve mentioned Linda’s sense of humour. It’s not. Aside from intelligence, loyalty, and honesty, I highly value a sense of humour in my friends. They have to have a good one if they’re going to put up with me. For the record, Linda displays all of those qualities.
As with many of my female friends, Linda is a mum. I point this out because it’s not something that I ever want to do, and therefore, I am in absolute awe of any woman who is a mother. I challenge anyone to find a tougher job in the world, than that of being a mum. It makes my job of teaching twenty something kids in a class look easy. I have total respect for Linda, who goes to work, raises a child, has a life, and still has time for her friends regardless of where in the world they live. I could never do what you do, Linda. You are amazing.
It really is a pleasure knowing Linda, and I say that without any hint of flippancy. Some people you meet are really hard work. You all know the sort. Linda, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She’s easy to converse with, witty, entertaining, light-hearted, intelligent, and very endearing. Thanks, kiddo, for being you.
Lil sis, you know I think you are brilliant, and you know how much I love you. I cherish your friendship, and greatly value your opinions. I have been blessed and honoured to have met you. I can’t thank you enough for the times that you have made me smile, laugh, and feel better when my stupid head was being . . . stupid. I really hope that the other people who know you realise how special you are, and how lucky they are to have you in their lives. I certainly do. Rarely can I say I’ve ever found someone I’d trust as easily as I’ve found that I trust you.
I hope my fabulous friend Stuart doesn’t mind me paraphrasing his words here, but I appreciated them when he told me: essentially, I haven’t known you for all that long Linda, but you are a genuine friend, and I’d gladly do anything for you (except for one thing, but we’ve been through that before). I think really good friends are hard to come by, and when you find one, you should let them know. So, with that in mind – Linda, my non-genetically linked lil sis, you are an outstanding friend, and I want you never to forget that I think you are incredible. Swedish royalty – they’re not as lucky as they think they are . . . they don’t have Linda as a friend.