My Bucket List

Well, it seems that everyone’s doing it. They’re all writing their bucket list. So, I figured, why the heck not.

(P.S. some of this may be mildly offensive. If you think you may be offended by what I’ve written, either accept my apology now, or don’t read any further.)

I’m assuming here that everyone knows what a bucket list is . . . the list of things that you want to do before you, well, croak it. So, what the hell do I want to do before I die?

1)      Have Oprah visit four of the best businesses on the Gold Coast while she’s in Australia. I’d like to think that all of my incessant tweeting might actually encourage the great woman to stop in at four impressive businesses while she’s in Australia and visiting Queensland. After a barrage of tweets like: ‘Please @Oprah go visit @1two3Dining @SageRestaurant @yellowfindining & @CalmerTherapies while you’re in Queensland’ I’d be happy to explain myself on international television, especially if she had representatives from those fine establishments on the show at the same time. I’d like to point out that I do not have any vested interests in any of these businesses. I’m not being financially compensated to endorse them, nor do I wish to be. I’m doing it, in part, because the three eateries deserve a pat on the back for their recent charity work. In fact, I don’t even live in Queensland. I live in a completely different state of Australia; one that Oprah’s not coming to visit. Yet another reason why Oprah should have me on her show to explain myself.

*** If you want to learn more about the reasons why I’m trying to badger Oprah into going to see those fabulous establishments on the Gold Coast, check out the links I’ve included below. You know what, just check out their sites anyway, even if you don’t give a rat’s bum about me annoying Oprah to visit them. Maybe you should actually go visit them on the Gold Coast . . . it’s in Queensland . . . AUSTRALIA:

Calmer Therapies: http://www.calmertherapies.com

Yellowfin Seafood Restaurant: http://www.yellowfinrestaurant.com.au

Sage Café Restaurant: http://www.sagerestaurant.com.au

1two3 Mediterranean Dining & Lounge Bar: http://1two3restaurant.com.au

2)      Start my own cult religion. * Never a cult, always a religion. * Oh, wait . . . I already have my own religion. So, I guess technically, I’ve already done this. Come on, stop laughing. I’m serious. Spunkychops, a little help here, please! (At this point, I should indicate that Spunkychops is a real girl and she knows who she is, unlike Pinocchio, who was neither real nor a girl. Get off my case. It was late at night, and I was writing and tweeting, simultaneously, when I came up with this stuff.) But, I am indeed, the head of my own religion. However, I cannot lay full claim to the idea, as Spunkychops was seriously instrumental in its creation. The name? You want to know the name? Um, sorry, can’t tell you that. You’d just laugh . . . again. However, applications to join can be obtained by emailing me: Danielle.daboss@CultofMonkeyBallz.nutzmail

Or contact Spunkychops:

Spunkychops.2ndincharge@CultofMonkeyBallz.nutzmail

3)      Write a truckload of best selling novels. That one I’m deadly serious about. I never joke about writing. Except when I write something that’s funny. No, really, I never joke about writing.

4)      Write, direct, and produce at least one incredible movie. I don’t mind if it’s a comedy, drama, thriller, horror, or sci-fi. I simply want to go through the whole movie making process. I’m a Drama teacher by day: how hard can it be to make a movie? Actors are just like school kids, aren’t they? Petulant, obstinate, irritatingly annoying. (Apologies to all of my actor friends who I’ve insulted terribly. You know I love each and every one of you, and I’ve never found any of you to be obstinate.)

5)      Win many Academy Awards for my incredible movie. Yeah, why not? I’d like to put my order in now, if that’s okay? Best: original screenplay, film, lead actor, lead actress, supporting actor, supporting actress, song, director. That should do it; I’m not greedy.

6)      Go skydiving. What a fantastically adventurous thing to do. If only I wasn’t afraid of heights. No, it’s fine. I’m not afraid of heights; just of being really high in the air with no safety net, and only a piece of cloth, some string, and a shoddy looking, incredibly uncomfortable harness to support my high speed plummet back to earth.

7)      Tell someone I love them without laughing when I say it. Anyone will do. I don’t have to know the person. In fact, it’s probably better if I don’t know them, because it’s when I say it to the people I know, that I break into fits of hysterical laughter. Alright, admittedly I was saying it to a dentist who was performing an intricate dental procedure, which required the use of nitrous oxide, when I broke into the aforementioned fits of hysterical laughter, but still, I think I hurt his feelings by laughing.

8)      Get married and have a whole bundle of kids. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding: as if I want to get married and have booger eaters running around. Don’t you think that one of me is enough? Had you going though, didn’t I?

9)      Travel – a lot. Nothing funny about this. I desperately want to head back over to Ireland. It’s a totally amazing, and beautiful, and friendly, and hospitable country. If you work for the Tourism Board of Ireland, I wouldn’t say no to an all expenses paid junket to your remarkable country. I’d also like to see Egypt, Canada, the US of A, the UK, Scandinavia, and Israel (Hi Jean!). Oh, big warning: next year I’m planning to do an east coast and South Oz trip, so all of my east coast & South Oz tweethearts better be prepared for some serious tweeting up, and I’m sure there’s someone I’m planning to visit in New Zealand as well . . . don’t worry Clarky, I would never leave you off my ‘it’ll be way more fun to annoy them in person’ travel list. 🙂 Did I say that I’d love an all expenses paid trip back to Ireland?

10)  Go to the Empire State Building, and the Eiffel Tower, in order to undertake a scientific experiment. You read correctly. I’d conduct a scientific experiment from the observation deck of the Empire State Building, and re-do it at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I want to find out for myself, if dropping a coin from a very high location, will actually kill someone when it falls and clocks them on the head. Do I have any volunteers to help me with conducting these tests? I’m thinking I need at least six people, so that I can run the test three times at each location. I can guarantee you a trip to these wonderful tourist attractions; however, I am unable to guarantee your return fight. Anyone?

11)  Visit Westwood Memorial Park Cemetery. I know it’s a weird thing to put on a bucket list, but there’s only one site here I want to visit. Being totally honest and genuine, I would dearly love to pay my respects to my favourite, old school, Hollywood actress, Marilyn Monroe. I am a huge fan of Marilyn. I’ve got more pieces of Marilyn Monroe merchandise and books than I know what to do with. But taking pride of place in my collection are my two limited and collector’s edition, hand numbered, porcelain, Marilyn Monroe figurines. I’m not a girly, doll-collecting sort of woman, but they’re of Marilyn Monroe!

And that’s my bucket list as of Saturday 25 September 2010. No doubt I’ll add many more goals to it as life goes on, but for now, I’m happy.

My final word is about the email addresses included in the second point . . . they’re not real, so don’t try and email a request for an application to the Cult of MonkeyBallz. Just ask me, I’ll tell you everything you’ll need to know. 🙂

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About Danielle

I like to write. What more is there to know?
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4 Responses to My Bucket List

  1. gracekay says:

    ha ha so funny!! i love no. 10 but you’ll need an escape plan to get me to sign up for that. don’t wanna end up in a french prison….well, maybe i do 🙂
    i’m sure you’ll achieve the writer things and as for ten kids and a hubby – legend has it that guys who laugh about marriage end up hitched in no time [the universe has a sense of humour]
    good luck stalking oprah! she might just show up at one of those places 🙂

    xoxo

  2. Beth Hoffman says:

    LOL! I loved your post. Now I’m going to compile my own bucket list!

  3. jason says:

    it’s a solid list, dani, and i hate lists!

  4. Linda Kennerö says:

    screw u sister ok u wrote scandinavia but u should have wrote SWEDEN… but i did like your list anyway… u are very funny fun size person … 😉 luv ya sister

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