All The Small Things

Sunday 13 November 2011

Apparently, I seem to have missed the point of Social Media because there are a number of things that I’ve seen recently that I just don’t understand. Pimping your work and that of your friends on SoMe platforms, I get. In fact, I totally understand that, I’m good with it, and I harbour no ill will towards any person who pimps their work, or the work of their friends. I’ve discovered some great indie authors, artists, and musos through pimping.

However, the following is a list that I’ve compiled of some stuff that has come to my attention as being in the category of ‘stuff that I don’t understand’. Now, I’m pretty sure that I’m about to piss off a number of people, and it wouldn’t surprise me if I lose a few Social Media pals over this post. If that’s the case, so be it, but I just don’t understand why people would do these things.

  1. Begging for klout: So, a number of alleged and self-proclaimed Social Media gurus/experts/consultants/managers who should all know better because they preach about the things one should and shouldn’t do on SoMe platforms, have recently been annoying me by begging their followers, friends, and circled folk to +K them on Klout. Now, my theory is that if you’re the big name SoMe person that you keep spruiking you are, why in God’s name are you begging for people to up your Social Media influence by giving you a +K on Klout? Surely, you’re influential enough, and the information that you’re disseminating is so brilliant because you’ve told us a number of times that you’re a guru, that you don’t need to ask people to essentially say they like you? Otherwise, you’re not really that much of a guru or expert, are you? Jumping ahead, no, I don’t consider that this is even remotely similar to pimping your work. It’s just about upping your popularity, and alleged Social Media gurus and experts seem to be the worst offenders.
  2. [WOW]LET GET 100 FREE MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS! (insert short link here) and GET MORE FOLLOWERS MY BEST FRIENDS? I WILL FOLLOW YOU BACK IF YOU FOLLOW ME (insert short link here): Yeah, I just did a copy and paste job on this so that I could get the poor wording correct. Is it just me, or do these tweets drive you mad too? Here’s a tip for those who don’t understand Twitter, or are new to Twitter – the best way to get more followers is to follow people and stop tweeting crap like this. Am I right? The best people that you’ll meet on Twitter are the ones that you take the time to actually have a chat with. And if you appeal to them, the chances are quite high that they’ll introduce you to some of their followers because they think you’ll hit it off. This means, you’re likely to end up with a bunch of lovely people across your Social Media accounts because, in my experience, nice people will introduce you to other nice people. I really don’t understand why you’d tweet this stuff and think that you’d instantly attract a whole bunch of cool people. Have I been approaching my Twitter account management in the wrong way, by actively seeking people who share common interests? Damn, must get on that.
  3. Irritating list thingies on Facebook: You know the things . . . it’s where your Facey friends tag you in some inane list of epically stupid proportions like, um . . . THE HILLBILLY HOE-DOWN: DO NOT CHEAT!
    Use the first 7 friends on your profile page:
    Person driving up on the lawnmower: John Deere
    Person who wrestles a pig: Vegge Terrian
    … Person playing the banjo in overalls: Red Neckmuther
    Person that falls in the mud and likes it: Ima Slobb
    Person starting the tire fire: Ars Onist
    Person trying to flirt with their cousin: Sis Tahfukker
    Person on porch with their rifle: Rem Ington
    Okay, so I embellished a few of the names. Did you really expect me to tag my friends? I think not. I understand that everyone has the right to utilise their Social Media accounts in a manner they see fit, but please don’t tag me in this crap. I don’t find it funny, it clogs up my profile page, and in some instances, it actually serves to damage whatever idea people may have of me, which I find offensive, because I can do a perfect job of that without your help. Again, clearly I’ve missed the point of Social Media because I’m not sure why anyone would post this sort of stuff.
  4. ‘REALLY NEED A HUG!!!! To give me a hug please click “Like” under         this post then copy and paste to your own status. I believe that I already know who WILL hug me and who WON’T! Remember that once you click on “Like”, you MUST repost this status on your wall so I can hug you back. Sure will be interesting to see how many of my friends will give me a hug by liking this post….♥’ and the 50 bazillion permutations of these kind of posts: Here’s a theory I have for this: get off the computer, go and find a real life person, and hug them. It is, of course, one of the many variations on the ‘Like my status’ posts that travel around Facebook. I always kinda thought that the point of Facebook was to keep in touch with people, y’know, maybe people you haven’t physically seen for a while, or new people you’ve met and want to interact with more, normal communication sort of stuff. Clearly, I’ve misunderstood the idea behind and intention of Facebook, and it’s more about who you think likes you, and who you want to emotionally blackmail into liking you.
  5. ‘Like’ and ‘+1’: This, I’m sure, is a contentious point in the making, but it ticks me off to no end. My understanding of the ‘Like’ and ‘+1’ function of Facebook and Google+ respectively, is for other people to show their agreement or appreciation, for want of a better word, of whatever you’ve shared. For example, a friend of mine might post a photo of herself and another friend having a night out after a long day at work, and I might like or +1 the photo because I’m happy to see a picture of the two of them having a great time after what I may know was a hard day for them. Another example may be that a friend has got engaged, announced it on Facebook, and I like the update because what’s not to like about your friend becoming engaged to marry the person of their dreams? Okay, there may be a lot to dislike about it, I didn’t really think that bit through, but you get my point. What I don’t understand though, is why do people like and +1 their own updates, photos, comments, etc.? Isn’t that a bit like giving yourself a round of applause after you’ve given a good speech, or laughing at your own joke when no one else thinks it’s funny? Why would you do that? Have I been under the misapprehension all this time that other people are supposed to do that on your posts when in reality, I should have been doing it myself? Crap, there were all those witty updates that I’ve posted that I should have liked. Is it too late to go back and like and +1 my own stuff? I’m so far away from comprehending why you would ‘like’ and ‘+1’ your own posts, that I really need someone to explain to me why they do it.

Look, I could go on about the things I just don’t get, but there are so many of them, that I’m afraid this post might never end. If you’ve got an answer to, or a theory that explains, any of the points I’ve raised in this article, perhaps you could post it as an update, like it, tag me in the list you’ve made, and ask me to +K you on Klout for your genius answer or theory. I’ll be happy to do that for you and repost your answer in order to show you that I do like you and will give you a virtual hug, because you knew I was one of those people you could count on to do that. And, if you’d like more followers my best friends, click the link http://this-is-a-bunch-of-wank.followers.com

Hold up, I’m sure I have a ‘like’ button at the bottom of my post . . . 😛

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About Danielle

I like to write. What more is there to know?
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