Sunday 18 March 2012
So, this started off as a post about stuff that made me smile. Then I realised that it would be a really short post. Not a lot of stuff makes me smile. Next, I’d planned to turn it into a post about stuff that made me laugh. Yeah, well, that’s an even shorter post than the one about stuff making me smile. What can I say? I’m just not a smiley, laughy kinda Smurf. If I were a real Smurf (yes, I know that’s kind of an oxymoron – real Smurf – but it’s my post, so shut up) I guess my Smurfy name would be something like Ticked Off Smurf, or Unimpressed Smurf, or Has No Real Facial Expression Other Than Angry Smurf . . . that would be aside from my Sarcastic Smurf moniker, of course. Anyhoo, that all led me to the thought: Hey, why don’t I write a mindless post about stuff that I’m never without? And here we are.
Now, by ‘stuff I’m never without’, I don’t actually mean that I carry this stuff around all the time, but that I always have access to this stuff, and I’d probably be lost without it. Hey, I did say that I wanted to write a mindless post. Stick with me here.
10) Phone: or in my case, phones. Anyone who knows me understands the irony of this. I hate, abhor, greatly dislike, don’t enjoy at all, really, really, really hate talking on the phone. And yet, I have two Smartphones, which I’m never without access to. I happen to like technology, and I’m not apologising for having more than one phone that I can access.
9) Music: Anyone who knows me understands that I am into music. I love, can’t live without, must always have around me, thoroughly enjoy, really, really, really love music. Since I can remember, I’ve been around music. Members of the family play musical instruments, as do I, and as a family, music was always part of our gatherings, and our everyday lives. I think I would die if I didn’t have access to music. Not at all pertinent to this post, but something I found odd: I once met a man who did not listen to music. He said he found it an irritation, and described it as simply noise that served no purpose. Now, while he was intelligent, funny, and damn good looking, that whole ‘I don’t do music’ thing just didn’t sit right with me. At all.
8) USB Drive: or in my case, USB drives. Anyone who knows me . . . I know. I’m pushing my luck with the repetitive opening for each point. I was hoping to get away with it for longer though. My USB drives hold my writing, some all-time favourite tunes, and a bunch of photos. But importantly, they hold my writing. Three in total – the original, a back-up, and a back-up of the back-up . . . just in case. You can never be too sure. I’d hate to have to input everything I’ve ever written, piece by piece, post by post, novel page by novel page. You get the hint.
7) A Pen: or in my case . . . I always have access to a pen, in particular, a dusty pink Sheaffer that my mum bought for my birthday a few years ago, just about the time she had to go back to the city for a second course of radiation treatment. We’ve gone through my stationery obsession in a previous post, so I won’t explain that. I prefer writing in black ink, however, I am stuck with a blue cartridge in my Sheaffer – downside of living in a small town, where stationery reps don’t make regular trips through, and the local newsagent doesn’t top up his stock of refills until he’s practically run out because it’s simply uneconomical to hold so many cartridges in stock. Still, you’d think he’d have one lil black ink cartridge in stock, just for me. Not a chance.
6) Lucas’ Papaw Ointment: this stuff is magic. Great as a lip balm, awesome for minor flesh wounds . . . okay, scratches, burns, bites, cuts, chafing, gravel rash, nappy rash, carpet-burn-that-you-get-from-showing-booger-eaters-what-their-performances-look-like-and-then-you-realise-the-floor-really-is-as-manky-as-you-keep-telling-them-and-the-best-solution-is-to-whack-Dettol-on-the-carpet-burn-followed-by-antiseptic-painkilling-ointment-and-then-Lucas’-Papaw-Ointment. My carpet burn doesn’t look as gross as it did before I put the papaw stuff on it, thank God.
5) Adidas Shoes: in my case, a shoe warehouse of Adidas shoes. Seems every time I head over east, I pick up a new pair. I have, well, I have a lot of them, to be honest. Some are running shoes – not that I run, with my back. Some are tennis shoes – yeah, haven’t played tennis in years, but that’s not the point either. I like Adidas shoes. They’re comfortable, and aside from Doc Martens (of which I also have many, many pairs), they’re my great shoe expense.
4) Watch: or in my case, a jewellery store of watches. I’m a sucker for a good timepiece. Who am I kidding? I’m a sucker for a tacky timepiece too. Diver’s watches, Swatch watches, chronographs, G-Shocks, analogues, digitals – love them all.
3) Useless Information: it’s undeniable, I’m afraid. I have a truckload of useless information and facts stored in my Smurfy lil brain. You never know when that stuff will come in handy. And I mean, I know really odd stuff like: if you run a liquor store, you are not obliged to serve prostitutes. In fact, it is encouraged that you move them along from outside of your establishment. Okay, so I know that from the liquor licensing exam that I took. Yep, I held a liquor license . . . and I passed with a high credit. Only got one question wrong, and no, it wasn’t the one about the prostitute.
2) A Picture Of My Poochy: anyone who knows me knows that I love my Border Collie. They’ll also know that I have her picture as my wallpaper and screen saver on both phones, both iPods, computer, etc.
1) St. Christopher Pendant: patron saint of merchants and travellers, amongst a few persons he is charged with being the patron saint of. This pendant, I am categorically never without. It was given to me as a twenty first birthday gift by a very dear friend, and since then, I estimate that I have been without it for no longer than forty eight hours in total. So, in nearly twenty not very many years, I’ve seldom removed it from my person. Yes, I really am a sentimental doofus.
I know, that was a totally fascinating read. In all honesty, I think I just wanted to make a bit of a mockery of all those SoMe ‘experts’ and ‘gurus’ who seem to so enjoy posting lists on their blogs. Yeeeeeaaaahhhh, we all know I like to stir things up every now and then. So, I’m off to write my next list – I’m thinking ‘10 things you really wish I hadn’t told you’ . . . 😛