Thursday 22 – Friday 23 March 2012
Friends. We’ve all got ‘em – theoretically speaking. And friends are a bit like brains really: some have more than others. I also like to think that I have Friends and friends. Friends are the ones that I’ve written a few posts about already, and friends are the ones I’m gonna write about today.
To categorise them then: Friends are people I trust. I keep these ones close to me, and they’re the ‘I’d do practically anything for’ kinda people because they frequently put up with my crap, my weirdness, my grumpy-assedness . . . need I go on? The others, friends, are more like associates, or people I happen to know, and I’d say that they’re not a part of my . . . inner circle. I wouldn’t do practically anything for these people because quite frankly, I probably don’t trust ‘em all that much. And for good reason. Or reasons, plural.
This is a post that’s been a few months in the writing. I’ve been trying to come up with the most tactful way to write about friends. Unfortunately, my tact has eluded me, and all I’ve got is what’s about to come out. Are we ready?
So, I was wondering a few months ago, about a particular group of friends that I have. To me, they don’t really seem to behave in a way that I would expect friends to behave. This frustrates me, because I believe that if you’re friends with a person, real friends, then there are some things that are . . . just so. Like an unwritten, unspoken set of friendship rules. But then, maybe that’s my Smurfy way of looking at life. Anyway, I’ve categorised them into groups.
One group of them are like vampires, to use a pop culture reference. They come out when they want something from me, or you . . . but for the purposes of this post, let’s just stick with me. They communicate with me infrequently, every so often, and then all of a sudden, BAM, they need something like help or advice, and they’re on my doorstep, messaging me, or trying to hang out with me, and generally invading my space. When I fulfil whatever need they have, POOF, they disappear again. Until the next time.
I don’t like this. This is not friendship. This is simply ‘being a user’. The sad thing is, stupid me often jumps right up and does whatever it is they want, knowing perfectly well that they’ll disappear into the sunset, never to be seen again until they need further help and/or advice. But that’s a failing on my part – or maybe it’s manipulation on theirs? Y’see, I can’t bear to see someone floundering and in need of help. It bothers me, and maybe these friends have picked up on that and are playing me like a cheap violin. Little do they know that I’m on to them.
The second group has a ‘trait’ that I really don’t like. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that if I were allowed to, I’d commit heinous acts of a barbaric and tortuous nature on those who committed this sin. This group of friends think it is fine to disrespect and mock mutual friends behind their backs, and that is not cool on any level. Not in my book. Worse still, they think that I’m one of those people who’d be happy to be in on the act. Ummmmm, epic fail, kids. If I’m going to tease and torment my friends, I do it to their face so they have an opportunity to slap me in reply, not behind their back to someone we share as a friend. There’s a difference between joking with someone, and being a complete a$$hole – although recently, I’m starting to wonder if there really is a difference between the two.
Maybe my sense of humour isn’t what it used to be, but I don’t see the ‘fun’ in mocking a mutual friend behind their back. It certainly won’t endear you to me should you think that this is the best course of action to prove that you and I have something in common.
Friends are special in that they’re the family that you get to choose. Well, that’s how I view them. As such, you look after them, stand up for them, make yourself available when they need someone . . . you know what you do for your Friends, hopefully because you have them. My last words about Friends – you mess with mine, you deal with me. And you don’t really want to do that. After all, you’ve seen the sort of fiction I write, therefore, you know what goes through my head on a daily basis. Just sayin’. 😉