Sunday 12 – Monday 13 June 2016
My go-to posts when I can’t think of anything to write tend to be lists. When I tried to come up with a post to schedule this week, I was at a loss so I headed in the direction of my trusty go-to posts – a list. However, I was still at a loss for a theme for my list post . . . yep, I was at a list loss, and watching Dodgeball was not helping an iota. Go figure. Not really sure where my thoughts went from there, but I made it here, to this post. Six places that you probably never want to live.
Okay, okay, so these might not be real places; they might just happen to be fictional locales, but hey, you still wouldn’t want to live here. In fact, I think visiting these locations might also be something you’d want to avoid. So, here we go, six places you never wanna live . . .
- Summer Bay: I’m not a fan of Home And Away, and I’ve really only paid close attention to it when one of my former students had a role in the soapie, as Rocco, the kid who stabbed Sally Fletcher. Other than that period of time, I avoid the show at all costs. However, I know enough, and I’ve seen enough in magazines, online, and on the commercials to know that any sane person should avoid Summer Bay at all costs. There are multiple murders, multiple explosions and fires, multiple storms and floods, multiple abductions, multiple tragedies of all varieties that constantly occur within the Bay’s boundaries and, to be honest, just outside those boundaries as well. It’s the sort of town that you’d be better off driving huge detours around to avoid. Not to mention the fact that so many of the residents are manipulative, conniving, sneaky jerkwads. And that’s not even considering the murderers, blackmailers, kidnappers, or general criminals and riff-raff.
- Ramsey Street, Erinsborough: Following on from the constant trauma that occurs in Summer Bay, we have Ramsey Street in Erinsborough, home of Neighbours. I really doubt that you’d have a good time living here, as it’s just as bad as living in Summer Bay. The sh!t that happens in this one street is insane. I can’t say that I watch Neighbours either – soapies just aren’t my cup of tea – but again, I’ve read and seen enough to know that Ramsey Street is hazardous to one’s health . . . if you manage to survive, that is. Between the natural disasters, man-made disasters, abductions, incidences of stalking, attempted murders, actual murders, extortion attempts, and every other absurd thing that happens, Ramsey Street isn’t a place you’d want to raise your kids.
- Midsomer: Now, this locale encompasses a number of villages and small towns, and not one of them is a safe place to live or visit. The body count in Midsomer is astronomical to say the least, and that’s the worst of the crimes you’d encounter here. As with the previous two locations, there are abductions, extortions, explosions, fires, and any other heinous act you’d like to add to the list. The slight difference to this location is that the police force is very active in the area. Not that it seems to deter any potential criminals from committing said heinous acts, but at least you can feel slightly safer in the knowledge that the police will be on the scene soon enough. Of course, if you’re one of the expired victims, that’s really not a lot of help to you. The scenery is gorgeous though, so there’s that to look forward to should you feel the strange need to move to any of the Midsomer villages . . . if they even existed.
- St. Mary Mead: For those of you not aware of this particular village, this is where Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple lives. Unfortunately, it’s also a village where lots of people end up dead, and where crime seems to run rampant. On the plus side, Miss Marple does live there, so any crimes would be relatively swiftly solved if she happened to be on the case. Look, it’s an incredibly picturesque village, and the surrounding areas also have gorgeous landscapes, but I’m not convinced that gorgeous landscapes are worth the risk of the potential for being the victim of crime if you lived in the area.
- Kembleford: Home to Father Brown, Kembleford and surrounds are crime hotspots. Like St. Mary Mead, Kembleford is a small village, and its residents have been subjected to robberies and burglaries, extortion, kidnapping, and murder. So, despite the fact that the most competent crime solver is a Catholic priest, it’s not a village in which you’d necessarily want to base yourself. Not to mention having to put up with the village gossips. Again, though, it is a delightful looking lil place.
- Cabot Cove: A tiny lil coastal town in Maine where crime novelist Jessica Fletcher resides. And just like the other towns and villages on my list, Cabot Cove, despite its tiny population, is riddled with crime, and home to, or visiting point for all manner of criminals. The sheriffs in Cabot Cove might not be the sharpest tools in the shed, in fact, they might be completely oblivious to the criminals and criminal behaviours in the town, but with Mrs. Fletcher in their corner, it is inevitable that the perpetrators of crime will be brought to justice. I’m just not sure that Maine lobster or clam chowder are worth the risk of living in Cabot Cove.
There are a few other locales that I think you’d best avoid should you ever find yourself stuck in some fictional life. I will admit that perhaps only a few of you will get the following references, but I’m going with them anyway: any street named Elm; Grantchester – even if the preacher is a bit of a hottie; any town where you might live next to, or on the same street as anyone with the surname Strode; any place with Amity in the name of the town; and rather importantly, anywhere in Maine because Stephen King f*$ked that whole US state up for all of us!