Movies I Wish I’d Written . . .

Sunday 18 June 2017

Oh, we’re back to a list post. Not because I’ve no idea what to write a post about. Well, not entirely because of that reason. More so because there’s a great movie on TV, and I had the thought that I’d like to have written it. So, why not write a post about the thought? Yeah, why not? The movies are not listed in any particular order other than where they appeared in my train of thought. Okay, here it is.

  1. Seven: k.a Se7en. Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow. Okay, so maybe I’d never have written the role of Mills’ wife with Gwyneth in mind. To be fair, I never would have even considered her because she’s not anywhere on my list of fabulous actors. On a side note, apparently both Denzel Washington and Sylvester Stallone turned down the role of Detective Mills. I’m not sure I would have enjoyed the film as much had Sylvester Stallone taken on the role. It’s a great film. I remember the first time I watched it; I was enthralled all the way through to the end. It grabbed my attention and held on to it for the duration. Gwyneth Paltrow aside, it was well acted, well directed, and above all, well written. A serial killer basing his kills on the seven deadly sins – brilliant premise. And the twist towards the end? The box? Oh, my good Lord, that’s fan-f*cking-tastic. It really is. It’s definitely the sort of twist that I’d have written if I’d written this movie. If you’ve never seen Seven, and you like crime thriller flicks, you should see it.
  2. The Bone Collector: Angelina Jolie, Denzel Washington. Based on the book of the same name by the man I consider the modern master of crime fiction, Jeffery Deaver. A few little details have changed between the book and the film, most notably, the surname of Angelina Jolie’s character. In the book she’s a Sachs, and in the film, a Donaghy. The movie got me interested in the novel which, in turn, led to my exploration of Jeffery Deaver’s works. And I love ‘em. I think he’s an amazing writer. I’d definitely love to have written the screenplay for this film. It’s one of my all-time favourite flicks.
  3. Happy Texas: Jeremy Northam, Ally Walker, Steven Zahn, William H. Macy. Written by Mark Illsley, Phil Reeves, and Ed Stone, this is also one of my all-time favourite films. It’s a comedy, and it sits perfectly with my sense of humour. I was in the midst of my obsession with the TV show Profiler and wanted to see as many shows and movies in which Ally Walker starred as I could. It was only by chance that my local video store (because that’s how I first saw it, on video) happened to get it in. It’s not particularly politically correct, but it’s sure as sh!t funny. Some day and never – my regular readers will understand the reference to this phrase.
  4. Alien and Aliens: Sigourney Weaver, Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton, Michael Biehn, John Hurt, Tom Skerritt. Ridley Scott and James Cameron hit the jackpot with these two flicks. They are, by far and away, the best of the Alien Mind you, I happen to like them all. Yes, even Alien 3, despite all of its shortcomings as a film. The premise of the films (the spam in a can model) and the physical realisation of the xenomorph via the artwork of H. R. Giger are first class. Not to mention the iconic lines delivered by Sigourney Weaver.
  5. Wrong Turn: Eliza Dushku, Desmond Harrington, Emmanuelle Chriqui and Jeremy Sisto. Bear with me here, this is a great redneck, hillbilly, sister-f**ker film. I think it’s the best in the Wrong Turn franchise, although I’ve never seen Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort so that could very well be the best. If I’d written this film, a lot of things would be different in terms of the obvious lack of common sense throughout the film. But then, it wouldn’t be the same movie if that lack of common sense wasn’t a thread throughout the movie.
  6. Sliding Doors: Gwyneth Paltrow, John Hannah. Okay, okay, this is the second movie on my list that happens to have Gwyneth in it, but I can assure you, I’m not a Gwyneth fan. Really. It seems she has a knack for picking great films to be in. Sliding Doors is another film with a great premise – what if you chose another path? How would your life be different? One person, two lives running parallel to one another.
  7. Lara Croft – Tomb Raider and Lara Croft Tomb Raider – Cradle of Life: Angelina Jolie, Chris Barrie, Noah Taylor, Daniel Craig, Iain Glen, Jon Voight. Not exactly highly intelligent pieces of motion picture art, but fun films none-the-less. I was a bit of a fan of the Tomb Raider games, so when the first movie came out, I devoured it. Having enjoyed the Indiana Jones movies, it wasn’t a stretch to think that I’d enjoy the Lara Croft flicks. And I did. Do. Own both of them. Action. Archaeology. Stunts. Old manor houses. Gotta love it.
  8. Underworld: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy, Michael Sheen, Charles Dance, Theo James, Shane Brolly, Lara Pulver, Tony Curran, Steve Mackintosh, Sir Derek Jacobi. I like the story arc and “mythology” behind these movies – vampires versus lycans. They fall into my ‘no brainer’ category of movie. In other words, you really don’t have to think particularly hard whilst watching them. That doesn’t make them cr@p movies, but it does make them fall firmly into the entertainment field. It’s not like you’re ever going to learn anything from them.

This isn’t a definitive list, by any means. I suspect I should have labelled this ‘part 1’ because after I post it, I know I’m going to come up with a dozen other movies I wish I’d written. However, given that I’m trying to watch Seven in between writing sentences, it’s a reasonable on-the-fly list.

If you’re a writer, what movies do you wish you’d written? If you’re not a writer, but you think you could have done a better job at writing a movie, which ones would you choose? Leave me a comment, and let me know.


About Danielle

I like to write. What more is there to know?
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