Tuesday 3 – Wednesday 4 July 2018
Let me start by addressing the fact that I “borrowed” the title of this post. I can’t really say why I chose it – probably just the fact it was a) floating around my head, and b) it sounds good. How does it relate to the post I’m about to write? No f$*king idea.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where I’m currently at.
I’m wrecked. I’m wiped out. I’m exhausted – mentally, physically and creatively. That’s what working full time does to me. I’ve had enough of writing because I’m sick to death of the thought of writing student reports. Yes, I know I’ve finished writing those, but the memory of that painfully uncreative writing lingers like a bad smell. My brain just wants to shut down for a while, recover, recuperate, re-something-or-other, and quite frankly, the rest of me feels like it wants to be back in London, where I was 12 months ago. Actually, I’d settle for almost anywhere in England despite the heatwave they’re currently experiencing.
But, alas and alack, it turns out I’m working full time for the first two weeks of term 3, and then probably every Monday and Wednesday of the term. Look, it’s not that I mind working. God knows, we all like having money and healthy bank balances. Working is not the bane of my existence, even though I might actually make it sound that way. No, working is OK. Winning the lottery would be even better, but I can cope with working.
What I find difficult to deal with is the lack of time I have to do anything that I really want to do because I’m working full time. In part, this can be attributed to the fact that I’ve been a relief teacher for many years, so I’m used to choosing when I want to work. I have days of no work where I can do anything I want – like write, play with Phryne pup, listen to music or watch movies. And once you’ve had that level of freedom, working full time really cramps your style. Thank God I don’t have kids or I’d lose even more time.
As a result, when I’m working full time I absolutely love school holidays. I get my time back. Unfortunately though, I’m often wrecked, as I am these holidays. Writing takes a back seat again as I try to re-energise and become human again. That’s the big thing – feeling human again. I can’t write if I’m stuck in the rut of work routines. Okay, that’s not entirely accurate – more that I find it really difficult to be creative when I’m stuck in the middle of work routines.
So, I’m at one of those impasses. I want to write a post for my blog, need to write a blog post but there’s not a lot coming out of this magical font of writing and creativity that I visit. I can’t even come up with a list. Y’know, my fall back post – write a list of stuff. Got nothing. Instead, I’m here waffling about not being able to write anything because I still feel bound by work routines and I’m lacking in the area of feeling like a human being.
Of course, another effect of full time working for me is the ‘I’m sick of people’ feeling that I get. Holidays are especially great because I can legitimately lock myself away and not have to deal with irritating, inane sh!t that other people do and say. But it’s okay. I’m fine. I’m on holiday, and this ‘post’ is hopefully the lead in to being able to write freely again. If not, I’ve had a bloody good rant.
And before anyone asks, no, I don’t think I’ll be writing another part of Nautilus . . .